Thursday, 10 March 2011

It's my practice and I'll cry if I want to....

What is wrong with me?!!! Not only have I had an awful 10 days of some kind of stomach flu-ey thing which has stopped me eating and then stopped me from trying to start eating again, has zapped my energy and is making is to damn hard to get back on track... I'm crying in the toilet cubicle at work for "no apparent reason"!!! Aaaargh!!!!! I mean - who does that?! Who goes to work and cries at their desk and then when, realising the little tears are becoming big tears, has to go to the toilet to cry?! Who - tell me goddamn it?!!

I feel exhausted (overall) and at the moment I'm blaming the stomach flu thing, not that I actually know what it is, I've completely self-diagnosed here... Maybe I should go to the doctors, or maybe I should just GET OVER IT!!

I had a meeting with V after my yoga class tonight re my teacher training. Somehow he seems to just *know* when I'm not 100% mentally and I was, admittedly, dreading it because I just knew he'd ask and I knew I'd tell him and I had visions of me breaking down sobbing in front of him, but luckily that didn't happen. Luckily, I found my own awareness and just laughed at myself and my present situation as if I was someone else, which always makes it easier!

My practice was a real retreat tonight though. I have a sneaky suspicion V has turned the thermostat up because the last few weeks the room has been toasty warm and I've had a really nice practice because of it. Sweat = good practice! (For me anyway..) However, I've been trying overly hard to ditch the ego thing recently but after practice T came up to me complimenting my on my 'beautiful' practice saying how far it had obviosuly come on and how beautiful it was to watch (why was he not concentrating on his dristi?!). It took me entirely by surprise but I had to graciously accept his lovely complement and obviously put it down to my "5 days of practice a week"!!

I'm pushing myself to my edge as well which may be helping my practice, I wasn't doing this prior to my weeeknd with Lino, but as he says, take every practice as a different practice and try everything like it was your first time. It might just happen for you. If you don't try you won't ever know. I just wish I could live the rest of my life like I'm living my yoga practice at the moment...

In terms of my practice I'm trying out a tip I read in 'The Daily Bandha' which basically says that for every action there is a reaction, which in simple terms ref yoga asana, if you push down one way you pull up in another. It actually really helps my practice, as I was finding that although i was 'in' a posture, I was never fully 'engaged' in the posture. For instance, instead of precariously balancing like a baby giraffe in standing postures, if I push into the floor then I lift out of the core of the body in the opposite direction. Simple. It felt great trying this out tonight and I would definately suggest signing up for the 'Daily Bandha' to anyone with a serious yoga practice. There - plugged...

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