Friday, 24 May 2013

Giving it all up....

5 weeks to go until I give up every thing I've been used to over the past 7 years, my house, good job, steady income, stability, routine... to concentrate on my Ashtanga Yoga practice for 1 year. Nothing else to get in the way, just me and my practice in new surroundings throughout the world.

But I have to admit, The thought is keeping me up at night...I'm not sleeping more than 4 hours per night, the rest of the night is me, my mind and impending scenarios, stories, of what is yet to happen. Am I really worried or is it the current practice of second series which is sending my mind (notwithstanding my hips) completely out of control? 

I've given up my morning meditation practice as I'm driving myself crazy. I'm running from the reality of what I have chosen for myself. So what now? The only thing I can think of is to turn to Patanjali, the sutras.. 

Yoga Sutra 1:31:

~ Dukha-daurmanasya-angameja-yatva-shvasa-prasvasa viksepa sahabhuvah ~
- When they (sickness, apathy, doubt, carelessness, laziness, sexual indulgence, delusion, lack of progress and inconsistency) arise once may experience distress, depression, or the inability to maintain steadiness of posture or breathing.
duhka, grief
daurmanasya, anxiety, worry
angamejayatva, unsteadiness of the body
shvasa prashvasa, irregular inspiration and expiration
visepa-sahabhuvah, (are) accompaniments of distractions
But no, I'm not being able to rest in the hear and now Patanjali, I'm stressed, I can hardly practice without thinking constantly throughout and worrying about leaving behind the stable life I had. Giving up what is perceived as a comfortable life is difficult. I'm stressing out, my mother's worried that I'll have a nervous breakdown before I even leave...and then there's the extra worry of leaving my Mum on top of everything else.... But it's only 1 year Mum, one year out of hopefully 60+ years we'll have together. That's what I keep telling her....
There is nothing else I want to do in my life at this very moment than what I have been planning for, for the past 18 months. It will be done, but mentally these next 5 weeks are going to be mentally effing hard.


  1. it's super, super, super brave what you're going to do and i am certain it is perfect. it is great. it will make you stronger! :) you will most definitely not regret doing this. i wish i could spend a whole year on only practicing the 8 limbs of ashtanga! :)

    1. Thank you Tanja for your encouragement! :)

  2. I recommend reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It talks about how to work with your mind when it is driving you crazy. If you already have the book, read it again :)

    1. Thanks Anon, might just have to dig it out again! :)